Disode to Family

Post Type: Short Excerpt

Today turned out to be a happy day.

I initially wanted to write something about "Ode to Creativity" or something like that because I was happy.

I finished the rough outline of the prequel, a standalone story to the large story I am writing on the ride to and from Horseshoe Valley while hanging out with really cool people. I went on a treetop-trekking trip that I initially didn't want to go because I meant to sulk and procrastinate at home working on my homework, which I probably won't have gotten any done anyway.

But since I was doing something I was extremely obsessed about, my leisure story writing, I was extremely productive. I've been lingering, procrastinating on the plot progression for a week, and today, I finished. With appreciation and interest from friends and just the right atmosphere - crucial for creativity - I finally finished the OUTLINE to a standalone small story.

Then I came back to my parents' series of scoldings: I have no self control - still has school homework and only thinks of playing while my friends are all working; I am disorganized - credit card locked due to transactions from Montreal (hotel I booked for ski trip next year) and not reporting I'm still in school to OSAP so OSAP started charging interest; and I am fucked in the head - driving late at night with some rain sending my friend home to Hamilton with all 3 of us in one car, danger danger.

Those of you who have followed my writing has probably seen my criticism of my very oblivious, emotional-intelligence-near-retardation, quick-to-judge Asian parents.

Today's another demonstration of that.

While I showered, I think of my friend who casually mentioned that she's gotta move out soon, as she works in Toronto and commutes from Hamilton, but obviously, commute is not the main reason.

And my brother who nests in a dormitory with his girlfriend, both away from the distraction and in someways, expectation, of the parental units. Surviving onwards just fine, except financially. As my brother is relying on his parents' money, and she is relying on OSAP.

I have a friend who has had a outright breakout fight with family and moved out at the end of high school and has not had official contact with family since.

My other friend today speaks of the possibility of going back to Ottawa for a long weekend trip with despise because it would be awkward if she ran into her mom.

Another friend of mine, who speaks of Asian parents as 'too-quick-to-judge' also tries her best to live on her own grad student salary and plans to move out with her boyfriend after she graduates. That it is ok to go back to home as a guest once in a while, but definitely not live with them in a long term union.

Even Jason doesn't want to go back to Ottawa to work as much as his parents want him to be there - yes, even fool likes the sensation of freedom. Idiots know what freedom is once they live it, though according to my parents I am just as much of an idiot as Jason.

Welp, that's quite the diss.

Then there are friends of mine who suck it up the Asian parents' unconstructive, emotionally-irresponsible, lack-of-self-introspection critcisms and keeps a close tie with their family.

I suddenly realize they all share some traits: immature, insensitive, and uninsightful, unable to make firm decisions on their own. Though they are still great friends and great kids. Note, kids.

I wonder why is it that so much Asian children I've spoken to, and yes, they are very intelligent (I would like to say I don't have unintelligent friends :) ), has this intrinsic or outright 'hatred'-borne gap from their family.

But this troubles me - the Eastern, Asian culture that has long in our history a deep association with family and togetherness is creating this small sphere of dispersion in my generation.

And my friends are doing moderately well for themselves. Those who separated from their family. They are knowledgeable, independent, and frankly, rebellious.

Psychology has the research that extreme teen rebellion often heralds from a lack of proper parenting and nurture from a young age. So what is the problem really? Are we born disabled in the head or are we born disabled in the head and oblivious parenting disabled us even further?

Since my family has been so casual and easy-going and disorganized, each of us living to our own schedule, I always thought lightly of family issues that other people tell me, dismissing it immaturely as if family will always be together and that there are no such thing as grudges really. It's all that shouting but getting together again Asian family casual quarrel.

I am thinking again.

I told my parents that I'm going to Waterloo next week and coming back next weekend (instead of right away on Monday night after my class finishes).

I need my distance.

I did not believe in 'methods' and 'mechanisms', and really, the idea of 'rules' that the Western society so much adores, even in the organization of family. For in the Eastern culture, there are no such thing as 'rules' in family.

Rules, mechanisms, make Asian family seem unfamily-like.

And voila, the overdone, overused 'distance' mechanism whiplashes.


Or maybe I'm just mad at the fact that I'm tired from treetop trekking and accidentally stepped in and knocked over a pot of flower in the mud while trying to talk to my friend from the car and my dad didn't ask me if my feet was ok and instead was like "那花盆怎么踢倒的?" (how did you step over the flower pot).

I need you to ask me how did the flower pot fall over. The fact is, I stepped in it, it fell over.

Like the story of my life. I need you to ask me why I'm so messed up. The fact is, I grew up, I'm messed up.


But I'm going to Qatar. So long, folks.

I'm still happy regardless, because I felt so productive having finished my writing. My obsession. I finished because I'd overcome my laziness and procrastination and exercised self-control - which I totally do not have.

And enough self-control to finish this piece of writing too.

Today's been a great day.

Time to clean up that outline and put in some punctuation marks and paragraph breaks.