Moving-in.
"Moving-in" has always been a rather lurkingly murky concept to me. What does it mean to move myself AND my belongings to somewhere? Does it mean that it is temporary? Or does it mean that I'm trying to make a home out of a new place?
As is with many pampered Asian kids who never went more than 2 hours driving distance (aka southern Ontario) outside of their HOME, I have a very hard time understanding the concept of home. Just exactly what and where is home? Home, is it somewhere that I am staying at the moment trying to make the most out of life, or is there an "eternal" home where say, my parents and my childhood belongings lie that I will always return to?
Land so vast and empty. A bedroom community of Toronto, some people call it-where people simply live in the neighbourhood but work elsewhere with the local prosperity winding and dying to only the basic necessity to serve its residence. Having spent numerous fall terms in university being squashed off the morning transit, I have desired hecticness-the hecticeness of overpopulation and students, so much in a very long time.
I don't remember feeling lonely for a very long time. But gazing out my 100 year old building residence window into the blue lake Ontario, suddenly I feel almost lonely. I wondered if there was public transit in this town. It turns out there was, 2 routes.
Hostility too. I came to Trinity College School in Port Hope alone, without knowing anyone (except for my teaching option friend Thomas but he lives in another building). We get almost the entire "house" they call it to ourselves-4 young woman I think. I want to get to know them and go out and chat more beyond the meet and greet. But my instinctive sub-mainstream conversation skills and the terror of stepping outside of the circle of familiarity is making my stomach feel rather uneasy about approaching.
I will keep my door open in an attempt to lure some roommates who are less terrified of confrontations to come in.
Today, PD day was cancelled due to the treacherous walking ground condition-filled with ice and water underneath, like a shallow icy pond. You could slip & fall through the thin ice any minute and sit your butt in a puddle of frozen water.
I used to make fun of myself and this place called Port Hope when I tell people I'm going to the middle of nowhere and laugh it off, never really taking the concept to heart. Now with no students, it feels like I'm living in a ghost county with old English style buildings, with no adequate room light and the occasional train passing by.
The cafeteria is also not open. The 250 boarding students are not back until tomorrow. I will have to think of some way to get dinner since I have packed none.
Which brings me to the philosophical question of move in. Most of those who know me knows that I travel light (yes guys I travel lighter than most of you). But for the first time I wondered if I almost travel too light.
I never really knew what I was missing when I moved-in until I hit this vast empty room of mine. And suddenly it seemed that I am missing everything. I did not bring a mug, a water boiler, only one small suitcase (the carry-on type)'s worth of clothing and my electronics, backpack and my basic washroom utensils. Usually in this kind of situation I'm tempted to go out to a supermarket and grab some (thus all the redundant stuff I have, piled and piled high and deep somewhere at home), but it seems that supermarket is a rather alienating concept here as well.
I'm too accustomed to having a "home": a piece of property for dwelling for which I may freely enter and exit, everywhere I go. Even the time when I went to Kingston, it felt like I was going to a home, just in a different place, because Laura and Clara were there, and we were living at a home-the messy & disorganized but also generous and loving Mary-Lou's home.
I'm frequently in the delusion of "this place is temporary for now", or "oh it's not that far from home", or "there's lots of students like me let's go explore together". But suddenly, now with both my mind and spirit and body in the middle of nowhere, it seems that this time I really am all alone.
I unpacked everything before I opened my laptop, for I know that once it's evil is at works, my room will be left as it is when I moved in 4 month from now. I finally have freedom, and time, all that I need to pursue the things I wanted to get done during some time, I used to think. But nothing else. And now I'm hungry.
And dinner is still nowhere near sight. Maslow's pyramid of basic needs is starting to undermine my higher desires. I must find food.
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*Ooo, update, I now has talk a good bit with the roommates =D
** Update #2, Port Hope's downtown is the celebrated country's best preserved 19th century downtown- too bad it's stinking cold winter otherwise perfect for exploration.
***Most important update #3, as per info from roommate-the school runs a school bus to Whitby so I can just GO train back to Sauga <3 how lovely.
****Update #4, the roommates brought pizza O.O so so very kind of them to give me a whole half pizza. I am now so full =] best day of my life.
****Update #4, the roommates brought pizza O.O so so very kind of them to give me a whole half pizza. I am now so full =] best day of my life.
