Feeling Tired

Post Type: Short Excerpt

I don't remember the last time I feel so confused and frustrated in my undergrad.

Might've been when I was a stupid insecure first year.

And I thought through getting involved, meeting cool people, and studying + planning my life back on track I've overcame it all and found a new confident, introspective self.

And I'm confused again.

There are a lot of things to be done for my extracurricular involvements-despite how stupid I feel they are. I used to like events organizing, meeting people through these things and keep my high energy.
I don't feel like doing it.

I used to enjoy talking and chatting and going to the faculty students events.
I don't feel like doing it.

In the first half of this term I tried to be on top of my academics. My assignments are slacking, I'm skipping classes like I'm not even taking them. I don't want to do anything. There is a bright side to this though, I think I've gotten a better control of my studying motivations and care for marks and gained more confidence in my ability to perform on assignments and tests.

I don't even feel like going shopping in the mall.

I'm constantly picking out things people around me do and say and losing motivation to hangout with my friends.

I'm dating a stupid happy boy, terminally slower than the common human being, who doesn't have any literary or social perceptions- the only person whom I would hope to have time to spend and talk about things, doesn't understand jack I say. Tried to break up many times, but I'm too confused about myself to figure out where I want to go. Do I even feel like dating anyone? I'm not sure.

This semester I've been enjoying going home very often, especially with my Monday and Friday off schedule. But in the recent couple weeks, I don't even feel motivation to go home. Everything else used to get me pumped up and excited, and nothing is doing that for me recently.

Don't feel like having fun-life has become boring and stupid.

I feel tired, mind, body and spirit. And I'm not so sure why.

I think I need some time off to think about life and start things over.

Maybe I've been in university for too long. I should really do something else with life.

Sigh.

Dear OSAP

Post Type: Short Excerpt

Wow! After a season, I suddenly remembered that I have a blog! And something noteworthy to go on it.

So, as we all know, I am a student. Thus I am poor.

Now I am no longer poor (see Gerolamo Cardano's publication of his autobiography), as even OSAP has abandoned me by placing a ban on my receiving assistance after having found me to be a very large liar when going through my reported income VS my CRA file when I was at teacher's college.

But I must survive, hence my effort trying to repeal and get a lift on the ban.

Dear OSAP,

The form I have filled out outlines my total UPDATED income in the year 2012-2013. Back when I made the estimation of income for the study period of 2012-2013 at Queens University, I had only taken into account the amount of money I made during my co-op term and the 1 week job I had during the summer.

And as the always very lacking of proper communication family of mine turns out, my dad decided to broke some stocks using my account and thus received roughly a (some imaginative number that I omitted for this post) taxable capital gain that he might’ve mentioned in casual conversations but I never really paid attention to. And as my derpy, disorganized self, I totally forgot to update my income after I got my OSAP money and went to party, sleep-in and enjoy life at teacher’s college. Thus the very LARGE discrepancy in income reported. There was also roughly (some imaginative number that I omitted for this post) dollars that I got in a teaching scholarship from my program that, being the normal rather stupid me, never thought I’d actually get and completely neglected its existence (but this income is not taxable). And then there was my I-didn’t-know-that-I-even-had-and-no-clue-how-much-I’d-gotten ~(some imaginative number that I omitted for this post) RESP that I guess my parents must’ve somewhat valued my education and bought for me back then when I was a little runt.

Anyways, these explains my full income in 2012-2013 and accounts for pretty much (some imaginative number that I omitted for this post) that matches what CRA has on my record, even though most of this money ended up disappearing somewhere into the quantum dimension rather than in my bank account anyway. Oh my dear mother has always told me “Tappy, you no stay organized, you never will be rich.” Tsk tsk. And sincerely, I had no plans of lying and cheating our beloved taxpayer’s money for my own benefit of loan to education. Having learned my lessons the hard way, I will definitely remember to be more on top of things and responsible for updating my incomes in my future applications. Please lift the restriction on my file on my reception of OSAP for the future. I would be in debt to your my whole life and you will have my forever gratitude and appreciation having helped me grill through my much-valued education.

Love,

Xuan (Tappy) He