Feeling Tired

Post Type: Short Excerpt

I don't remember the last time I feel so confused and frustrated in my undergrad.

Might've been when I was a stupid insecure first year.

And I thought through getting involved, meeting cool people, and studying + planning my life back on track I've overcame it all and found a new confident, introspective self.

And I'm confused again.

There are a lot of things to be done for my extracurricular involvements-despite how stupid I feel they are. I used to like events organizing, meeting people through these things and keep my high energy.
I don't feel like doing it.

I used to enjoy talking and chatting and going to the faculty students events.
I don't feel like doing it.

In the first half of this term I tried to be on top of my academics. My assignments are slacking, I'm skipping classes like I'm not even taking them. I don't want to do anything. There is a bright side to this though, I think I've gotten a better control of my studying motivations and care for marks and gained more confidence in my ability to perform on assignments and tests.

I don't even feel like going shopping in the mall.

I'm constantly picking out things people around me do and say and losing motivation to hangout with my friends.

I'm dating a stupid happy boy, terminally slower than the common human being, who doesn't have any literary or social perceptions- the only person whom I would hope to have time to spend and talk about things, doesn't understand jack I say. Tried to break up many times, but I'm too confused about myself to figure out where I want to go. Do I even feel like dating anyone? I'm not sure.

This semester I've been enjoying going home very often, especially with my Monday and Friday off schedule. But in the recent couple weeks, I don't even feel motivation to go home. Everything else used to get me pumped up and excited, and nothing is doing that for me recently.

Don't feel like having fun-life has become boring and stupid.

I feel tired, mind, body and spirit. And I'm not so sure why.

I think I need some time off to think about life and start things over.

Maybe I've been in university for too long. I should really do something else with life.

Sigh.