Graduation

Post type: Short Excerpt

This post has no pictures, for it will actually be short.

Today seems to be a trigger for "graduation".

I went to talk to [notorious] CS-advisors today to discuss the possibly problematic visa issue regarding my late course completion date and the necessity for me to be in the middle east by late August with Qatar embassy's stamp in hand.

Then as I sat by the chair outside of advising office scratching my head trying to think up the last question I had for the advisor before he leaves (yes it turned out to be about graduation as well), one of my former professor walked by (omigosh he's so nice he actually talks to students >___<) and asked me if I was graduating soon. Well, yes, for some definition of soon.

Then lastly, as I finished the rather-smooth advising (advisor was a great guy!), I sat down with my laptop open and noticed the email that today was the last day to order the LifeTouch grad photos that I took earlier in February with a 20% off discount. Ok fine, I will buy the cheapest one.

So what exactly is this so called "graduation"? Is this a REALLY big deal?

I always figured that my undergrad only had a start and not an end, or, an end that just trailed off. The head of a tiger and tail of a snake, as the Chinese proverb says. I think it's because I am hopelessly lost at the end without a definite direction to head to, even though I've signed off the next 2 years to teach internationally.

I was and am still hoping that perhaps travel would give me an answer to many things I am unsure of. And since travel will be tiresome, and hopefully, fulfilling, I would not have all this blankness of time sitting in my mind that I consciously process just how directionless I am.

I cannot do 9-5 jobs. I would die of boredom, be tardy everyday due to fear of obligations, not sleep well and turn vengeful in a matter of days.

I cannot be sitting indoors and in front of a computer all day either. Neither my back, butt nor mind will tolerate being in lock-down mode.

Graduate school? Well, I have never attempted to try any research in my undergrad, nor was the idea of 'trying out research' and 'preparation' for grad school ever on my mind until fairly recently, which, is very very late, and with the addition that I am sure my brain is too much water and not enough fiber, probably isn't going to happen.

I enjoy the Canadian nature, the outdoors - rivers, lakes, trees and mountains. Even mosquitoes. But Qatar's summer is ~50 degrees worth of desert climate, thus I must find shade behind the humps of a magnificent creature such as a camel.

Then I think of my friend whose wedding I am going to this July (gasp! She is folding a curtain of 1000 paper cranes!). Surely that is nowhere in scope of my life, nor really, many of my close friends' lives. Yet my meditating, psychology, philosophy addict mother just sent me a blog post on "the regrets of our lives", which included - not being married, and of course, the favourite 21st-century-young-people-are-all-fked-in-the-head thing: not having offspring(s). I wonder if that is coming up sometime in the mind of my future self.

All the things out there that will swamp my poor future self. Imagination is the limit. But certainly, without exposure, perhaps imagination is hard to come by.

When I asked my prof if he was teaching this year he said he is on sabbatical which I asked doesn't most people go somewhere on sabbatical, to which he replied his wife didn't want to travel so he stayed.

Travel. Well, it's not really a choice for me at the moment. Perhaps it is a release, and a trivial pursuit that at the moment seemed a little better, more worthwhile than all the other pursuits that are probably not so trivial, but that I am either in denial of, or afraid of even considering the possibility of.

If any instance of a self of mine was a bunny, in spirit of Easter (I'm not religious), today would be a day to tell it to go for a roll in the grass and feed it some Bok-Choy.